Lately, I’ve been waking up, not knowing where I am. It’s almost as if my spiritual self is getting ready to go off adventuring the world whilst my physical being is lost in slumber. I think it could be that I’m dreaming of living as a nomad in the near future but a part of me keeps screaming that it’s something much more than that.
Everything is off on these days. I feel, lost but grounded. Whole but broken. Overstimulated but not in the right or wrong ways, not completely. Nothing seems to make sense and I feel slightly that I am losing it. And yet, everything makes more sense with every second of it. I was not left a journal or instructions from my mother on how to control the senses I have as a clairvoyant or a witch, and honestly, I don’t think she even knew how, or she would still be here. I’m on my own in this. I so far don’t have a consistent guide or teacher. I’m not sure you need one though. I feel as though we are meant to meet a plethora of people, sprinkled along our journey to our higher selves. Sometimes they may guide us and offer loving advice, gifts, and nuggets of concern and praise. Sometimes, they are meant to be a friend, one that we see multiple times on our path; catching up, offering support, comfort, and encouragement along the way. Sometimes, they are meant to teach us lessons. Those lessons can be agonizingly hard ones but they are necessary and they serve a purpose. And each person, whether their purpose in your life be to cause you growth by harm or love, is still there to help you grow regardless. It’s a hard way to look at life, but it’s the only way I can anymore. Because I refuse to stay stuck in a complacent mindset again. Growth is the only thing that keeps me feeling alive! And I do not think that living to grow is a bad way to live.
I don’t know why my body sometimes feels hollow but other times feels like it’s about to burst. Or why thunderstorms make me my face and eyes feel heavy with release. Or why the breeze through trees makes my heart feel like it’s lifting out of my chest. Or why I constantly feel as though I’m not the only one leading me through this life, but yet I’m definitely alone. I’m not sure what the ancestors, energy, universe, source or my higher self has in store for me but I have no other choice than to find out.